I was at my Buddhism and psychotherapy study group recently. One of the psychologists said that some trauma can't be healed; it will leave a permanent mark in the psyche that never can be eliminated. Others expressed more optimism about healing trauma.

Like most of the dichotomous arguments, I say both are right. Severe trauma leaves a mark. But, treatments can significantly reduce the impact of the trauma and assist the nervous system in returning to a less reactive state. The over-active nervous system (associated with trauma) can be soothed, with the trauma-energy being dissipated. More to come on this.

We in the mental health field talk frequently about trauma. But what is trauma? One definition that I think makes sense is anything that overwhelms are ability to stay in the present; instead, we must use defense mechanisms like repression and dissociation to cope with the overwhelming anxiety or feelings. Trauma can be acute or chronic. Examples include watching or experiencing physical or sexual abuse, neglect, or any event that induces a strong fear reaction (which is often accompanied by a feeling of going numb).

The consequences of trauma can be far reaching. The energy associated with trauma, if not discharged, can leave the nervous system in a state of heightened arousal (fight or flight), even when the threat has been eliminated. This can have tremendous effects on mood and anxiety levels.

"Caught the interview via the Shrinkrap Radio Podcast and was slow to recognize the worth of the information presented. However, about halfway thru, I was mesmerized by the theories and conclusions drawn. Listened a second time and decided that of all of Dr. Dave's interviews, your's ranked among the top three. Just ordered "Reclaiming Your Real Self" and am looking forward to the read. I am a closet psychologist and would have pursued a degree if it hadn't been for my family's heritage in ranching and my need for a personal relationship with the natural world."

Thanks for the honest feedback Jim. I agree, it got better as it went along. :-)

I am teaching an all-day workshop (8:30a-4pm) based largely on my book on Friday February 5th for Portland State University. The workshop is for professional counselors/therapists and meets continuing education requirements for psychologists, social workers and LPCs/LMFTs. The workshop is entitled, "Spiritually-Oriented Counseling: Reclaiming the Real Self." For more information, call Kathy Lovrien at 503-725-8165.

Hope to see you there.

I listened to the interview, and again, the message echoes inside my being, "the answer is within, and the way to access it is via spiritual means..."

Thanks for the feedback Mari!

Differentiated attachment is the ability to be near and close to our partner without losing ourselves. We "hold onto our Real Self" and deeply connect to our partner. In couple sessions, I encourage each person to stop seeing their partner as an extension of them. Rather, they need to see their partner as a separate person on his/her own journey in life. Each person's task, then, is to courageously reveal who they are to the other while the other person "listens for understanding." This typically increases compassion and intimacy for both. This is not simply a communication skill. This is a profound attitude shift: seeing one's partner as separate while being deeply interested in their plight.

This is a phrase I have been using when I teach about couples therapy. It reflects two prominent models in couples work: differentiation-based and Emotion-Focused (attachment-based). Differentiation is the ability to be close to others without losing yourself (of course, this means not losing your Real Self). Attachment is the belief that our partner will be there for us, especially if we feel emotional vulnerable.
When we combine these two emotional/psychological states, we have an amazingly intimate relationship.

Many couples become reactive with each other through repeated attachment injuries (injuries to the trust and attachment of the relationship). These injuries can occur from big transgressions (like affairs, internet porn, violence, lying/deception, etc). They also occur from smaller, repeated issues, like "Did s/he do what he said s/he would? Can I trust that I have a teammate in life?" The bottom line is: do I trust that my partner has my back. If the answer is "no," then we tend to build walls to protect ourselves, and attachment and intimacy reduce. If the answer is "yes," then we feel close to our partner and we tend to forgive the stylistic differences between us.

Both of the radio interview pod casts for the book are now permanently part of the navigation on the left side of the web page. If you haven't had a chance to tune in, free free! Thanks Dr. Will Meek for your technical support!

Someone recently asked me, "If you had to choose between joy and meaning, what would you choose?" For me, the choice is obvious. I'd always choose meaning. Joy is much more transitory, and it leaves longing in its wake. Meaning is much more sustainable, and can lead to moments of joy!